Thursday 25 January 2007

Two Birthday Wishes

Is it okay to ask for two birthday wishes? My goodness, today I’m 44 years old. How did that happen? Where did the time go? I’ve woken up to a life that is completely different than I’d ever imagined, in almost all ways a magical and enchanted life that is richly blessed with friends.

But of course these midlife years make for some deep and often too dark nights of the soul. My 43rd year was frankly the most terrible year of my life. However, looking back at all the loss and self-abuse and depression and human failure I realize it was also a year in which I learned some incredibly important lessons about how I will live and how I want to be in the future. I suppose that’s what the rough times are all about.

In the course of my mental meanderings, I’ve realized that I have come to a place where I am clear about wanting only two things now out of life. It feels selfish to even ask, because I’ve been so profoundly and unusually blessed with opportunity, travel, and such great loving friends world-over. Who gets that? Why did I? What right have I to ask for anything in light of my bounty in a suffering world?

Of course, I am only human, and fundamentally egocentric. So here are my two birthday wishes.

• To continue to work in technology with the specific and clear goal of using it to enhance and improve the human condition
• To find my life’s love and settle in my growing older years (which have already started, fellas) into a quiet, loving relationship with a companion to care for and be cared for by. Now, that might seem rather romantic or simplistic or what have you, but that’s really all I ever wanted out of life. Funny how it’s the one thing that’s always eluded me. Sure, I’ve had love and in fact experienced many great relationships over the years. But now I guess is a settling time, and I mean that in a spiritual sense.

So that’s where I’m at today, thinking of life as I enter my 44th year. It cannot go without saying that every person who has touched my life, via this blog, my work and so forth has enriched it and helped me not just survive, but thrive, even on those days when I simply didn’t want to. So thank you all so very much for saving me, valuing me and caring for me as I make my way through this journey called life.

Filed under:   general
Posted by:   Molly | 15:00 | Comments (110)