Monday 21 May 2007

The “I’m a Technologist but my Significant Other Is Not” Issue

So you’re doing great as a computer person. In most instances, you probably really enjoy your work, get paid at the very least a living wage to do it, and are able to have wonderful collegiate relationships, as well as great friends met.

But your significant other(s), who isn’t in the technological world or doesn’t have interest in it for whatever the reasons, well, he or she or they’re often left out of the passion and enthusiasm we exhibit when we are with those great friends, met.

I’ve always had SO’s in my life who were at least somewhat interested in what I did. But maybe that isn’t the best focus. Maybe I should be taking a closer look at the curly haired handsome and affectionate chef who wants to open his own restaurant in the Yucatan but could care less about the Web related services he’ll need?

Where’s the balance? Is there one? Is it better to have one partner into it and one not? Have you had an experience to share about this?

Because I so want to know.

Filed under:   general
Posted by:   Molly | 03:30 | Comments (65)

Comments (65)

  1. In fact, it does matter – but only if parties want it to matter.

    Many people do different things for a living, have different levels of passion relating to those interests, and do just fine as a couple.

    The significant thing is whether you are secure enough in yourself and your relationship to allow your SO to have his/her passions without becoming jealous of them. If you can’t – if you must have complete attention, if you must be the center of your SO’s universe, then steer away from anyone who is passionate about anything. Simple as that.

    My SO, over the years, has become more obsessed with her jealousy than I care to deal with. When it comes time that an organization she works with needs my help, she’s more than happy to engage me, professionally, in that endeavor. Other than her needs, though, my interests are are secondary, if not irrelevant.

    This can make a huge difference in a relationship. And of course, this is only my opinion.

  2. It’s the friction of the bow that makes the violin sing.

  3. I was not a techie when I met my SO, but I grew into it after returning to school and changing careers. I think it’s a good thing to have someone around who reminds you that there’s more to life than the web.

  4. I think it can work out well either way. Similar interests is not a requirement for a good relationship. The key is to stay balanced and try to be interested in what the other person does.

    There are some extremes however, a back-to-nature type that hates modern technology probably couldn’t hold out very long with one of us geeks 🙂

  5. Molly, if you have the offer of a sexy chef… Seriously, is there any question about diving into this one? Go for it!

    (And if it doesn’t work out, send me his number.)

  6. The relationship I previously ended was with a digital comic book artist. There were some crossovers, but the reason why the relationship ended had nothing to do with what we do professionally. Although what I did learn is that I found it more difficult to create websites for significant others/loved ones. I created a website to promote my ex’s art for one of the comic conventions, and he rushed me worse than any client would! It was a very heartaching experience (and we did pull through despite that), but I did learn to NEVER blend professional work with personal relationships!

    Would I ever date a techie/designer? Possibly not. I get way too competitive and I think it wouldn’t be good for us 🙂

  7. Respect for what each other does is deeply important. Understanding is not essential, but it really helps.

    In the past year I have seen many tech and geek friends splitting up with their SOs. Nearly every one of them stated it was tech geek and non-tech geek as well as the, “we lived in two completely different worlds”.

    Having things in common is essential, it does not have to be work (often it is not) but the values and passions have to overlap somewhere.

  8. Pingback: Nerds Dating Nerds | NerdStarGamer

  9. I don’t know that I can really speak thoroughly to techie vs. non-techie, but I can speak to art vs. non-art — my husband is a numbers-minded historian and I’m a concept-minded artist (both of us are techie in different ways, too). It works mainly because between the two of us, we cover all the bases. He deals with the algebra and I get the geometry, if that makes sense.

    Not to say we haven’t had our hairy moments, but we negotiate pretty well too.

    So if the chef can respect your need to work, and you can respect his, and you both get to pursue your grand passions while reaping the benefits of the other’s mindset … what could be better?

  10. thanks for good write

  11. this subject is very important for us . thank for subject. please write back soon

← Older Comments

Upcoming Travels