Wednesday 9 November 2005

A Really Bad Day

I KNOW YOU’VE HAD ONE. Where everything goes wrong.

  • You believe that God will protect you and those you love
  • You want with all your heart to do right by people and you fail, badly
  • The person you love doesn’t love you the same way

All I want to do in the face of my unhappiness is drink and please please pass out so maybe I can get some sleep this year.

This is a really bad day. I’m asking you to help, and to keep me alive.

Tell me your bad day. Tell me anything. I am listening.

Filed under:   general
Posted by:   Molly | 00:31 | Comments (60)

Comments (60)

  1. So sorry to read of your bad day, Molly. I had a lot of bad days a few years ago when we made a lifestyle change that went sour, and we lost our jobs/home/ money. From semi-prosperous home-owners to homeless folk on welfare in a very short time. I suffered a lot from reactive depression at that time, and thought that there wasnt any point in getting up in the morning. Things did get better though, and now we have a nice rented home, I am studying for a degree, and we have children who love us and we them, so the bad times do eventually pass. Sometimes it is hard to believe it though.
    Hang in there xxxx

  2. My advice for happier living, for what it’s worth:

    1) Never get married on a hill cursed by a saint.
    2) Never exchange your vows over the Stone of Destiny if you have a bad one.
    3) Never irrevocably break your favorite play thing.

    Done all those things. 🙂

  3. I’ve had some icky days in my 26 short years. I won’t go into deaths because those are just too morbid. I know my bad days are nothing compared to some, but maybe you’ll realize we all have to deal with the ick on occasion. For example, in chronological order:

    1) When my family home was leveled by an F5 tornado with my family inside, and I couldn’t get in touch with anyone who had any details on whether they were alive for not…so I raced down the turnpike which was littered with mud, tree branches, and other home debris because the tornado had followed the turnpike right into town. I finally found my family stitched, stapled, bruised, and disoriented in the hospital.

    2) I got food poisoning in Mexico the night before flying home. I spent the morning with my face pressed to the cold tile floor in the airport with people smoking all around. Our connection in Dallas was delayed 8 hours in severe thunderstorms. By luck, I was squeezed onto a flight only 7 hours delayed…with the only available seat onboard a rear-facing one, which leaves you quite unseated upon take-off (thank heavens for seat-belts). Couple that with extremely turbulent weather (remember the reason for the delay?), flickering overhead lights, drunk people kicking my shins, stranger next to me breathing in my face with nasty peanut breath, and trying not to vomit.

    3) Just last week, my car got stuck in second gear. I took it to the mechanic who said my transmission needed to be rebuilt, I needed new brakes and new tires. Oh, and by the way, your warranty expired 2 months ago, so it will cost you $3000 instead of $50. I rented a car, and (THAT NIGHT) a vandal threw a brick through the rental car window to steal my roommate’s backpack with her medical records inside (and she was moving to another state in 2 days). The rental company wouldn’t release another vehicle to me.

    I have others…but those are the ones most vivid in my memory. Hope this helped! Right now I’m at the bottom, and I can only go up from here. I don’t plan on digging the hole any deeper! Lots of love!

  4. I’m late to this post, but your expressed pain touched me, so I’d like to share my worst day with you. Perhaps if you have another day as dark as Nov. 9, you can find something in this note to stop you from taking the action your post suggested you were contemplating. My thoughts are with you. Now here’s my worst day.


    The worst day of my life was the day my wife tried to kill herself. She has a history of recurrent major depression, and one dark day opportunity collided with impulse. She attempted to kill herself with an overdose of her medications washed down with a significant amount of alcohol.

    By the time I got her to the nearest hospital, I could not feel her pulse and I could not detect respiration. I was on the phone with the hospital ER the entire trip, describing my wife’s deteriorating condition, hoping that staff would be prepared when we arrived. They were not. I even had to waste precious time getting them to open the ambulance bay door.

    That day stretched into several. My wife lay intubated and comatose for many days. Words cannot describe the overwhelming horror I felt, day after day, seeing the one I love with all my heart, the one for whom I would sacrifice my life to save, laying in an apparent state of lifelessness and receiving respiration from a machine. I did not sleep for three days. I spent my time talking to her, telling her stories of our adventures together, stroking her soft hair, holding her hands and kissing her forehead. I have never before nor since felt so helpless. Having my father die in my arms paled in comparison to this horror.

    My wife did emerge from the coma. She regained full intellectual and physical functioning over the course of several weeks. She was very fortunate.

    The nightmare of that episode haunted me for several years. The medical condition my wife suffers remained and presented occasional behavioral cues that brought back memories of that horrific event. Every moment apart from her filled me with the fear that I may find her dead upon my return.

    About 18 months ago, when I was away from my wife’s side, I suddenly realized that I was not gripped by fear. Only now, as I write this, can I say that I think we have finally returned to good health together.


    Molly, I hope you never again suffer a day so dark that you are compelled to ask others to help keep you alive. Now that you are in a better place, please consider whether seeking medical help would be beneficial, and please establish a safety plan with friends close to you, friends you can call anytime, day or night.

  5. I am an international student and feel so bad right now so I go to and type in: what you do when you feel really bad and got to this place. I guess these things happen to everybody but each time it happens again you feel it is unbearable although you know with time it will get less intense but still you feel awlful.
    well to share with you my bad experience. The former bell lab vice-president come to visit our lab and he asked me about our femtosecond laser system and I worked with it for a few weeks and I could not give the details right away because I didn’t expect he will ask me. My graduate advisor was there too and I believe he must be very disappointed.
    This is not the first time these things happened and I am so unsatisfied with myself. I was depressed earlier because the ppt file for my talk somehow can’t be as pretty as I want it be and no animation.
    anyhow, time to work. Thanks for the place for me to write on.

  6. Deirdre Saoirse Moen:
    With assumptions it is possible to argue.

  7. ok, so today i seriously felt like some divine force hates me. First of all, i broke my toe (which i could deal with), then my stunning girl friend of 4 years calls and breaks my heart. Folowed by failing the most important exam of my life denying me a scholarship to a new school. And finally as im walking for the bus, i slip and slice my knee open. Ive just got home from the hospital and just want to crawl into a ball and weep.
    btw i’m 14 years old

  8. there are tough’s frustrating but we can’t avoid it..I think all we have to do is to be optimistic about takes awhile though to shake those low moments off our hearts..

  9. 🙁 Okay, today these 8th graders were tripping me (they KEPT doing it!) and I skinned my knee, then I had a mean sub in enviroment science, I didn’t know my paper I wrote had to be typed, so i have to turn it in late, and if you turn it in late you get 1/2 off. :[[ Then… I had ENOUTHER mean sub in LA, and I FLUNKED my typing essay in info tech, and after that, it started raining and we didnt got to the school football game, AND after that, my boyfriend liked someone else the whole time (omg!) My math score was a B averadge (Noooo!!!) I don’t know what my homework is (I was at the bathroom and when I got back it was the end of the bell) it was pouring when I was going on the bus (which apparently I MISSED) When I did get home it wasn’t raining anymore so I went to my friends house and she was being all mean to me, so when i was walking home is was POURING (OMG, AT THIS TIME I’M ABOUT TO CRY!- But I try to hold it in so I dont look like an idiot crying in the middle of the street, anyways, I walked home, alone cold and raining (wow, so annoying! Hurrican Gustav going through Ohio…) When I got home I thought it would be nice to play with my brother, but he got too excited when he was playing snake and bite me :[[ Then he was jumping and bonked my nose and it bled, at that time I was realy thinking god hated me, and at that time I was realy crying!

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