Saturday 27 September 2003

quizzical quiznos commercials

Do you have a Quiznos Sub Sandwich Shop in your neighborhood? Well, their sandwiches might be endearing, but their T.V. commercials are just damned wrong.

Two guys are on lunch break. One, who has a a “toasted” sandwich in hand, wonders why his lunch pal made such a bad, untoasted lunch choice.

“Were you raised by wolves?” asks the guy with the toasted sandwich.

The dude with the inferior sandwich has a sudden flashback. There are two versions of this, which you can see yourself by following the links to the actual commercials, of which Quiznos appears to be rather proud (Quicktime required).

• Flashback one: A female wolf nurses several young. Also sucking at her teat is the guy. An adult male human, sucking at the teat of a wolf.
• Flashback two: The guy is in the wolf den with his “mother” and siblings. They are licking at his pale, emaciated face enthusiastically.

If there’s a joke in all of this, I’ve missed it. The idea of a male adult human sucking a wolf teat, no matter how nutrient-rich the colustrum, is not only wrong, but it definitely does not work. I do not now or ever want to eat a Quiznos sandwich.

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Tuesday 23 September 2003

i’m a saint

It’s true! Only I’d forgotten. Today I reached up to grab something off a closet shelf and a paper came wafting down. I picked it up to find my official Universal Life Church declaration of sainthood.

Dated August 7, 1995, I was given this honor when I helped create the first “official” ULC Web site. The ULC minister was so happy with the work he made me a saint.

Truly one of the oddest jobs I’d ever done (and I’ve done a lot of odd jobs–and shut up, I know what yer thinking). They were great clients and while I have nothing to do with their current Web site, you can still get ordained there. And while you can’t get a Saint certificate like me (I’m special), you can become a Goddess, Angel, and even a Druid there for only 10 bucks a shot.

It is overcast today in sunny Tucson, which is very nice. We’re supposed to get a heck of a storm, nothing that Isabel wouldn’t have sneered at with superiority, but a hurricane-induced storm nonetheless.

Also, Dunstan posted this link to Carl Hiaasen’s letter that was read at Warren Zevon’s funeral a couple of weeks ago.

Do you hold any dubious honors? If so, I’d like to know, so comment below.

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Saturday 20 September 2003

unsore losers?

It’s difficult to tell who’s the more greedy in the ongoing saga of Eolas v. Microsoft. Eolas’ Michael Doyle claims he’s willing to settle the spat if Microsoft pays licensing fees in addition to the $512 million dollar settlement Eolas won earlier this month.

Microsoft spokesman Jim Desler is quoted as saying that Microsoft likes its “prospects” on appeal, and feels that the Eolas patent is invalid.

The Eolas patent covers technology which the IE Web browser uses for plug-ins such as Macromedia Flash. If Eolas prevails, it could mean dramatic repercussions for many Web site owners, who will be forced to re-author thousands of Web documents that rely on plug-in technology to work.

To confuse the issue even more, it’s been suggested that darker forces are at work on Microsoft’s end, with Microsoft actually wanting to lose the argument for motives of its own.

With plenty of outcry in the developer community and the popular belief that Web technologies should remain open standards, one has to wonder if the Eolas licensing strategy is motivated by an agenda of its very own, too.

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Friday 19 September 2003

arr me beauties, check out these beasties

Ahoy, me mateys. In case ye haven’t noticed, it’s TLAPD (Talk Like a Pirate Day). So shiver me timbers and blow me down, but here’s how to jolly me Roger:

• If ye can read: A Closed Mouth Gathers No WaSPS: Conformance Problems at the BBC (which has nothing to do with pirates, avast!)
• An excellent critique on my critique from isolani regarding my WaSPish ramblings can be found here.
• If yer having trouble with the lasses or laddies, try the top 10 pirate pickup lines.
• Confused? Find out why so many of us are talkin’ like pirates on this fine day.

Arr, off to find me grog, Mateys!

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Wednesday 17 September 2003

more fun with spam

Okay, now it’s your turn. Come up with the funniest mis-read or offbeat version of a spam subject line and I’ll send you a book. Of course, what I find funny is completely subjective, and I make no claims other than if it makes me laugh, you win.

Let the games begin! Comment below.

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Posted by:   site admin | 07:59 | Comments (27)

Tuesday 16 September 2003

local morons looking for sex

Glance too quickly through your spam folder and you’ll begin seeing subject lines like that, too. It was actually “local moms looking for sex.” So much for my bent on things.

Yesterday I met a Lemon Jelly girl.

the lemon jelly girl

Lisa ‘n me went to Nova which used to be Infusion in the South Park area of San Francisco. The neighborhood seems ghostlike. I got sentimental as some very happy times of my life were spent there, and I don’t go much anymore. We shared a Mango infusion and great food.

Lemon Jelly was playing and I asked the lovely waitress who chose the music and it turns out she had. She’d heard about them in Spain and brought in a CD just that morning. I’d never heard Lemon Jelly in a public place before. That was very sweet.

where i left my heart

My time in San Francisco was great. I felt alive and happy the entire time, even during challenging moments like having to present for hours on no sleep and getting evacuated from Moscone with 10,999 other people.

Or maybe I felt more alive because of those things?

Every friend I saw, every idea shared, every food I tasted and every drink I savored seemed completely real.

where the girl goes

So with one brother in Long Beach, my folks with a house in Lake Elsinore, and me in love with Northern California, I know a change is coming. It just seems so big to make a decision to leave my home in Tucson. I think the solution is to hunker down and get the economics stabilized, then review the situation.

Then again, a girl has to go where a girl has to go, I have a tendency to suddenly do outrageous things, and there really are far too many morons looking for sex around this particular shit-kicking town in which I live.

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Posted by:   site admin | 10:36 | Comments (3)

Sunday 14 September 2003

congress here we come

The venerable and noble Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) has a petition going to Congress. If you are a U.S. resident and object to the rampage of ridiculousness that the RIAA is pursuing in the form of lawsuits against file-sharing grannies and little girls in public housing, it’s time to sign a little digital ink.

There are currently over 25,000 names on the petition, which is a lot. However, considering there are an estimated 60 million people in the U.S. alone that are being attacked by an archaic middleman organization far more interested in gouging pound-of-flesh profits from artists and consumers than promoting new models of music distribution, I’d say some of us best get vocal.

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Saturday 13 September 2003

skip the skip links & patent my patoot

Many Web designers and developers visiting my weblog are likely familiar with the concept of “skip links.” This technique is used primarily to assist with navigation for those using screen readers or those browsers without CSS support. The technique is very popular, but recent buzz has it that some screen readers do not deal well with it. Joe Clark asks that we not use skip links at all, Jon Hicks is offering some alternative solutions, and Bob Easton is providing test suites for screen readers and gathering helpful information. Bottom line? Get informed, consider skipping the skip links, look at the workarounds.

Of course, many of us in the field are wondering what the fallout will be from Eolas having won its first battle with Microsoft regarding its patent on plug-in technologies. The problems could be very far-reaching for not only Web designers and developers, but for all browsers as well as tools manufacturers. The problem is very eloquently outlined by Jeffrey Zeldman in his Daily Report, 12 September 2003. I suggest you go forth and read this if you haven’t as of yet.

What’s your take on the skip link issue? The patent folly? I hear there’s an open bar in the comment area below, so go ahead and point, click, order a cold one and opine away.

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Posted by:   site admin | 11:43 | Comments (13)

Friday 12 September 2003

god had his eye on you

Goodbye, goodbye Man in Black. Wherever death takes us all I hope the rewards upon your arrival will be as abundant and rich as that which you have given us. Rest in peace Johnny Cash, you carried the soul of the world in your voice. You will be remembered forever and forever missed.

Other sorrowful passings this week: Warren Zevon, who had been extremely ill, passed on Wednesday, and actor John Ritter, who had not been knowingly ill. I’ll miss you both. You made me laugh and sing and made life the richer for it.

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Posted by:   site admin | 07:34 | Comments (8)

Thursday 11 September 2003

seeing the light at seybold

I’ve been enjoying a tremendously fun week at the Seybold conference. The show has been terrific, one of the best conference gatherings I’ve been at in terms of attendee turnout, quality of the programs, and quality of the attendees themselves. My presentations went well, and the greatest part of all is that I am getting to spend time with some of my bestest friends in the whole wide world.

It’s an emotional issue because two years ago many of us were here a week before 9/11 at Web 2001. Not only was that conference dismal as a result of economic downturn in the industry, but of course a week later our worlds forever changed.

One unfortunate experience was that on Wednesday, a bomb threat was made to the Moscone Center, where both the Seybold and Oracle World conferences are held. Thousands of us were evacuated calmly and fortunately it turned out to be a hoax. The events resumed today with the same great energy and interest.

I am proud of my industry and the people within it. We have come through so much, and for those of us still working in the field, it does seem as though there is now a more obvious sense of community within the Web profession. We are doing what we do not for money, not for glory, but for the sheer joy of being part of something that is truly changing the world.

Thank you my dear friends and readers for helping me keep on keeping on through these past years of difficulties. It is because of you that on this day of remembrance I choose to look toward the sky and see not towers falling but new heights of strength, success, and pride being reached.

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Wednesday 3 September 2003

standards: they’re in the bag(gie)

Good friend Christopher pinged me over a very important cullinary issue today. You know those cook-in baggies? Well, he wanted to know exactly how to use them, as he’d seen me cook with one during a visit to my house last year.

Anyway, searching for information online yielded him this fascinating tidbit on how plastic cooking bags improve our lives. In perusing the details, I found that these marvelous cooking bags adhere to ISO standards.

Who knew?

What other unusual items follow standards? Comment below.

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Posted by:   site admin | 06:53 | Comments (41)